"Put your oxygen mask on first, and then help others."

Self Care. Self Love. Hobbies. Taking care of yourself.

It doesn't matter what you call it, or even how you get it, we all need some time for ourselves. I was recently talking to a friend who lost their spouse, and they (no pronouns, to protect identity) were telling me how much they need they are finding more and more that they need to stay up late at night, just to get in some time for themselves because they were losing themselves in life, and I flashed back to two years ago.

The change from worn out me, to me caring about myself

A favorite activity of mine and my family, but sometimes you just wanna roll alone.

Brian and I, when we found out we were having twins, decided to make some big family changes. I would stay home, and I would run a dayhome (something I was already planning on doing some day, but now it was a necessity), and he would work nights so that he could help me during the day. And so we set off on this new adventure of him working until 2-3AM, come home, get to sleep until 8AM when I would have to walk some of the older kids to the bus stop while the babies were sleeping, then back to sleep until about 12, lunch, pick up kids from bus stop, and back to work. He was exhausted, and I felt so alone. I did all the meals alone, all the bed times, the parent/teacher conferences... It was all on me. There was no time for extra curricular activities, we spent our weekends hustling like mad to get all of the week's chores done.

I spent my life, 24/7, with children. There was no break, and I was losing myself. I forgot who I was. What do I enjoy doing? What are my hobbies? What do I want to learn? Who am I??

We did this for 6 years.

And I can 100% relate with my friend. I can't count how many times I've been so tired during the day, to the point where keeping my eyes open is so, so hard, and then staying up way too late just so I could watch a show or finish off a book. I just want to feel like a person!

This is why, this past year, I've started to invest in my relationships and myself. Another friend (I have surrounded myself with some very wise people in the last little while) was talking to me about empty nesting and life after the kids leave. I said "I'm in it right now, and I know everyone says I'll miss it, but man, someday's I really feel like I'm going to be so happy they're all grown up," to which she responded "Start working on your friendships now. Once they're all grown, it'll be too late to foster really deep relationships with other people, so invest that time now, or you'll just be so lonely. You will miss it, but you'll also find yourself again."

I LOVE my gym fam. I've made real connections here, and I am hoping to nurture them into lifelong friendships

Yes, it's work, but making it pretty and really being able to see my plans is 100% self care for me.

These are my people. The group shifts and changes, but I've found a home with Kangoo Club Edmonton

I took this advice seriously. Develop your friendships now. You're busy, and you're tired and you can't imagine fitting something else in, but someday, you'll have time, and no one to spend it with. You'll miss your kids, and you'll have no one to call and talk to about it. Find people who are like you, and find the time.

The other thing we must do is make the time for us. I cannot be the best mom, childcare provider, fitness instructor, wife, friend, cook, laundress, etc. if I am not taking care of me. I was working myself well past the point of exhaustion. I took on every weird schedule a client could throw at me, I made sacrifices of sleep and family time for my business, and I worked late into the night trying to be the volunteer for all the school trips and the cupcake maker for all of the class parties. I was trying to do it all for EVERYBODY, and I did absolutely nothing (except online shop) for me. I gained weight. I developed dark circles under my eyes, and I wore absolutely nothing but old sweats and stained t-shirts. I had no where to go, so I had no reason to get dressed up. I had completely lost myself.

Yep, I sent cupcakes to all 3 of my children's separate classes of 25+ kids, for most holidays

And handmade granola bars, complete with fancy, all natural wrapping. This is when I did not sleep

Skip ahead to now. In the past year, I have made both tremendous efforts and incredible strides in myself and my friendships. I have worked hard to be less flaky (I've always been the girl who reads the text and then immediately forgets it happened. You could not get a response from me), I show up to the things I say I'm coming to, I make plans with people, I meet new people. I am investing in people and learning from them every day. I am also investing in me. I go to the gym, I go to workshops and classes, I get my nails done and I occasionally get dressed up and go out on the town with my hubby. I have found myself again, and I am a better person for it.

Something happened this year that has never happened before, and it affected me in a way you would not believe. This is the first year that family hasn't gotten together for Thanksgiving. It was a whole dramatic event that I won't go into, but we were faced with a holiday, that has always been a big event, turned into a very small gathering of just my immediate family. So I had an idea... invite friends. Because of our reclusive lifestyle the past several years, we'd never really had friends. This year was different. We put out the S.O.S. We needed people at our table. And guess what? They came. My table was full, the food was wonderful, and I felt an incredible gratitude to have people in my life who cared.

And then it happened again! We had a Christmas party, and there was a literal line up at my door to get in. There were people everywhere!The shoe pile in my doorway spilled out into the living room! Kids were all over my house! Drinking and laughing and eating, and then a visit from Santa and his lovely wife to wrap up the evening. I didn't get to make the speech that night that I wanted to, and I would have bawled like a baby through the whole thing, but it was the most meaningful, amazing night of my life, because people we love, care about us too. My investment of time paid off in the biggest, best way.

The Christmas party that truly touched my soul

So, adults out there. Please remember that you are not just parents, or workers, or a wife/husband, or a volunteer, or whatever commands most of your time. You are a whole person. You need to be a whole person. We cannot really love life if we are not actively participating in it. Pick up your phone and make a plan with someone, or set a date to do something for you. If you put in even the smallest effort, I promise you will find the most amazing rewards.